• Toni Maddi

Which side of the bed is the wrong side?

This morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. That’s an odd expression, isn’t it? I can’t get up on the wrong side because there’s a wall there, but it’s not “got up,” it’s “woke up.” And trying to figure out what the hell that means isn’t improving my mood any.

There’s nothing too wrong. The pandemic has stolen joy from all of us—vacations, celebrations, get-togethers that didn’t happen. It’s put a low level of stress on each day, so the small annoyances that creep into our days feel pricklier.

I’d like to think that with all the spiritual work I’ve done, that I have the tools to dispel a lousy mood. But when I’m feeling like this, I resist doing anything about it.

I could meditate. But my brain would probably be noisy and I’d just become one with everything that’s wrong.

How about a bath with Himalayan salt? How about I don’t have the energy to dry off again?

It’s a beautiful day. Maybe a walk in the fresh air. Maybe I don’t feel like looking for my walking shoes.

Count my blessings? Sure right after I make a to-do list and grumble that I’m the only one who does anything around here.

I know if I try to work with an affirmation, I’ll say it in a mocking voice. Very enlightened. (Not.)

I can tell myself “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” but I know it’s the small stuff that becomes the big stuff, so maybe it’s better to sweat it.

I wasn’t surprised when I drew the 4 of Roses, Views of the Ego, reversed, today. Reversed, this card talks about a self-serving person’s behavior coming to an end; realizing that some lack in our own definition of self has attracted this person who is unable to give.

When I’m in a mood like this, it feels like everyone around me is unable to give. But I can see that what I need to do is become more aware of my priorities and take action that honors myself. If I feel neglected or minimized, that’s my fault, no one else’s. Any time I feel lack, it is a reminder to see my eternal truth in that moment. If the most I can manage is to thank the Universe for reminding me I feel an absence of something, so be it. Some days that’s the best I can manage.

If I can shut up the whiny voice in my head, I might try saying, “Abundance is the condition of my life.” If I can’t feel that one, maybe try, “Every day in every way my joyous prosperity grows and grows.”

Or maybe order a cake for this surprise pity party, one that says, “There, there” in pink frosting.

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